It's been two months since the LIX edition (59th) of le Concours EUROVISION Chanson Europeenes, Copenhagen 2014 concluded. And for the third straight year, I'm doing my annual ESC review. I felt like 34 of the 37 entries were in contention to win. Some might hate this, some might love it. Without any introduction, here we go.
In 5...
4...
3...
2...
1...
And the song ranked 37th and last this year is...
(drumroll please)
Cleo with "My Slowianie" (Poland). Disappointed since Donatan, the man who produced it (or co produced it I think) is a hip hop producer. I also feel sorry for those who voted for this to make the final--not! It is among one of the worst songs in ESC history for a reason, it's similarity to mainstream R&B like Beyoncé or Rihanna. The trashy types. Very trashy song that should have never been an internal selection for Poland. The Poles should feel ashamed. I hope they either come back strong in May or just withdraw. Remember, Poland has been out of ESC since 2011, after a failed showing by Magdalena Tul in the results category with "Jestem" in Dusseldorf. "Jestem" is a far better song than this!
Just like Poland disappointed me in their return, the host country Denmark also disappointed me this year. Basim's "Cliché Love Song" is a very dry, make that extremely dry song that was too generic and mainstream. It also reflected in both the grand final tally and in my rankings, as I have this at number 36.
When it comes to song quality in the ESC, what has happened to song quality Belarus? From Anastasia Vinnikova to Litesound and Alyona Lanskaya, it was great. With Teo this year, Belarus in ESC really hit rock bottom quality wise. But once again, voters across Europe decided looks got him to the final. This is what's wrong with the contest every year, is that talent is overlooked by looks. Fucking Satanic heathens. Very lame song that should've never reached the final in the first place. Hence, at number 35, "Cheesecake" should have melted itself.
Over the years, this event has seen major disappointments. This was one of them. "Cake to Bake" by the band Aarzemnieki (Latvia) had a lot of potential, but a lot of letdown. Hence, I ranked them 34th of 37th this year. Very folksy song and one of those 34 that had contention to win it all, but failed to make the final. I still liked it and respected it anyway, should've ranked it higher, but oh well.
Tijana Dapcevic's "To the Sky" (Macedonia) is number 33 on my rankings. Why this low for an addictive song? I felt it also had good potential, but was also a letdown as well. Like Aarzemnieki's "Cake to Bake," I should've ranked it higher.
At number 32, is your winner, Tom Neuwirth, with "Rise Like a Phoenix" (Austria). Okay song, but I felt like the voting was rigged. I mean come on man, stronger songs than this and Europe chose this the most? Once again it was rigged. To me it is one of the worst winners in ESC history. Check that, the worst. He was fucking trolling since his internal selection a few months prior. He knew with this gimmick that he would be the biggest troll in ESC history and lived up to the hype. I'm also pretty sure dead people across Europe voted for him as well. I'm not homophobic, just telling the truth.
So to sum up part one so far...
37. Poland
36. Denmark
35. Belarus
34. Latvia
33. Macedonia
32. Austria
Thirty-one big ones to number one as the countdown continues!
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